Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Lies our parents told us

So my lovely wife has yet again inspired me. Last time it was giving white socks a try, this time it's inflicting...err, sharing my deranged thoughts with anyone stumbling by this space no longer for rent.

Without further ado...

We were watching LA Ink last night, yes we're so wild, and Kat (the owner/star of the shop, of late from Miami Ink) said something that got me to thinking. She said how she really hates it when people say how "everything happens for a reason." Kat went on to say how she believed that there were some things (ie, events) from which there were no good lessons to be learned.

Kat, in case you happen to read this, I agree whole-heartedly.

"Everything happens for a reason"

The implication is that everything happens for a good reason.

This is a load of bull.

Now I understand that when things go wrong in life people seek solace in rationalization, justification, and other exercises in everyday deception. I get it, really, I do. When tragedy strikes, folks want to make believe that their loss is part of some bigger plan, some grander scheme, a casualty in the war b/t good verses evil, Mac verses PC, Coke verses Pepsi (sorry Pepsi drinkers, Coke won years ago, slew Pepsi and now wears your cola-deity like a sock-puppet).

Here's the rub, this "everything happens for a reason" schtick? It's just another one of those lies our parents told us. We, in turn, have told them to our children. I know, I'm a parent now. All those maxims about hard-work, diligence, fairness, and just deserts...they are all lies, comforting little lies told to children in hope of making them feel safe and secure, so they'll grow up healthy, wealthy and wise. Children grow up (or out, especially those chubby American kids) and they become disabused of these fables. It's not a bad thing, it's part of their awakening to the world.

As adults I feel we should look tragedy straight in the face. To do anything less cheapens your loss.


Kevin said...

in retrospect, everything that is, is, because of what was. so in linear time, "everything happened for a reason" works, if only in that it happened to have gotten you to the present.

so yeah, lame saying.

you might as well say "the daddy long legs is the most venomous spider inthe world, but it cannot bite you as its fangs are too short to pierce your skin" as my brother-in-law recently told me.

however, romantic as I am, I like to think that a great many things do happen for a reason. a great many things, but not everything.

Red said...

Good point, B.

Welcome to the Blog-o-sphere :)

CL said...

In a way, I agree with you, B. However, I (like Kevin) am -- and always have been -- a bit of a romantic. And, looking back at the deliciously dangerously curvy road my life has taken and the point to which it has brought me leads me, also, to believe that there were some F'd up decisions I made that, in retrospect, were actually the decisions which have led me to the happiest I have been in my entire life.

I don't think I can argue with the results thereof.

Everything happens for a reason...but, true, not always a GOOD reason. There may be something that you need to learn that Fate has in store for you. As we have all learned, Fate can be a real Bitch! So, just because she throws a "thing" in your path, don't expect it all to be champagne and may just end up being tequila and lime.

And, we all know how THAT turns out. ;)

Alison said...

I have to agree with CL.

My parents didn't profess the old addage to me however, from my limited-yet-vast life experiences
I can say that things happen for reasons; Gives me a sense of security or peace of mind knowing that no matter how random, depressing, aggravating, and sometimes GOOD things are, there is something to be learned from it. TO me, that is good.

I admit that I have reserved that phrase for when things go badly and it says to me that knowledge can come from it. I'd be a fool not to allow for that. :)