Thursday, May 29, 2008

Tales from the Pen, part 1

noun: an enclosure for confining livestock
noun: a correctional institution for those convicted of major crimes
Take your pick; either is appropriate.

1) This first one is the nuts and bolts of a letter, specifically Life Endangerment Statement. The gist of it is this: the offender, a minister of some strip or another, insisted the prison administration was imperiling his life and disobeying some [fictitious] policy by housing him with get this: Catholics, Muslims, Jehovah's Witnesses, Satanists, any whom attend government-sponsored Pagan ceremonies and those whom are content to live in evil and do not accept Jesus Christ as their lord and savior...just let that one sink in for a spell. He went on to explain in eloquent if stilted prose how his medical records had been altered and he was constantly imperiled by being housed with such wicked men. He repeatedly cited, without ever actually identifying, some medical condition as additional basis for his needing to be housed separately or at least with goodly folk. Additionally he made vague threats and absurd accusations against the prison staff in general and the administration in particular.

Now just for the record, I've looked through all of the policies regarding housing guidelines and I haven't found anything about putting self-righteous, religiously bigoted, backwoods, correspondence course ministers with faith-compatible cellmates.

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